How to Not Hate Holiday Parties
by Kregg Nance, MA
Author of “Get the F Out of My Life: A Men’s Breakup Survive and Thrive Guide”
Since the holiday season is upon us, people who are struggling through a tough time may have a hard time seeing everyone around them smiling and laughing while they are internally feeling bad.
I’ve never been a fan of someone telling me to “think positive thoughts”. I found something that works better for me. I call it Do It Anyway, no matter what I’m thinking or feeling.
It’s different from the big shoe company’s phrase of “Just Do It”. That’s great for super athletes who are really disciplined, but I needed something that works for flawed people like me. I found that when I did something positive, even though I didn’t feel like it, I would ultimately feel better, maybe not at that moment, but over time.
The pursuit of happiness is a long game, not a short play. Happiness is a mindset as much as a feeling. We can have control over our happiness, no matter the situation that has been thrust upon us.
By adding the word anyway to doing something, I am able to frame a mindset that works to get me through it. In other words, the word anyway is an acknowledgment that I do have internal struggles, but I am choosing to go beyond those struggles to do something.
Read more: Do It Anyway
Solutions for Couples is forward thinking and works from the perspective of "from now on". Counseling will often delve into your past before going forward. Counseling is a therapeutic process by which you sit with a trained and certified psychologist or counselor and talk about your feelings as it relates to what is not working with your partner and your relationship. The counselor will help you to deal with those feelings and work through the problems. Counseling tends to go deeper into each person to see what might be underneath the surface that is causing the problems to persist. It will often deal with your past and how it is affecting your life currently. It is a great process and very helpful if that is what you need.
Solutions for Couples deals more with issues than feelings. We will work on strategic solutions to specific problems. It will be a focused, facilitated session geared toward coming up with here-and-now answers to ongoing friction points. The focus is on agreed upon solutions, not on each other. The idea isn't to face each other and blame the other person for the problem. We will work together and write down solutions to problems. Since you both care about each other and want to stay together, then the brainstorming is about solutions to stay together, not about how the other person is a problem.
Read more: How is Solutions for Couples Different from Couples Counseling?